He Fuckin Knows.

We clerks are not perfect.  When you're in the babysitting business, you've gotta kick out scumbags and sometimes, we get the wrong scumbag.

Sometimes police get the wrong guy.  

Not everyone can have a photographic memory like Detective Goren on Law and Order...  That fuckin guy. 

There is a club here in Portland called Dante's.  It's exactly what you think it is.  It's dark.  It's broody.  There's a fire pit.  It's filled with sinful things. But it's also what I consider to be my home club.  The owner has always been exceptionally kind to me and I love him very much.  When he can, he lets me sit my fat ass up in the balcony during shows so I don't have to sweat it out in the trenches with the commoners.  

It's also where he puts celebrities when they come to town.

On one such occasion I was up in the balcony, sitting in the front.  There was no one else up there.  When  the show started, up came a very tall man, full lips and curls.  I knew this motherfucker in an instant.

I turned to my friend and said, "Oh my fucking god. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE."  I looked back at the man sitting behind me.  Mean mugged him as hard as I could.  I have to deal with these pricks in my real life, I'm not doin it while I'm having fun too.  HELL NO.

My friend said, "What?  Who?"

"Customers.  From the fucking store.  How the fuck did they let this piece of shit up here."  I made sure that stupid fuck behind me, heard me.  He curled up his dopey eyebrows as if to be confused.   What a fucking retard.

"I've had to 86 this asshole so many times..." I told my friend.

"No shit?" My friend said, "What'd he do?"

I turned and burned a look of disgust at him, so dark and unholy and said, "Oh. HE FUCKIN KNOWS."

I went downstairs to get a drink, the owner of the club stopped me and said, "Hey Kristine, did you see Vince up there?   You guys getting along?"

???  Vince? Who?

"Vincent D'Onofrio.  He's up in the balcony."

Not for long, he wasn't.  When I got back, he'd left.

I hope to meet him someday.  And apologize for my terrible behavior.  "I'm sorry sir, I thought you had masturbated in the King Cock isle."