You don't know me from TV.

Once upon a time, a very beautiful young man came into the store looking for a vibrator for his girlfriend.

She's shy, he says.

Then she's not adult enough to have sex, I think.

The boy seemed a little nervous too but, hey, I've done this way more often than he has, so I put him at ease, asked him some key questions and sent him home with a basic model that would get any job done. The very next night, he came back. This time, much more nervous. And he was carrying the bag I had sent home with him the night before.

"Hey Jason, What's up?" "Well..." He stammered. He pulled the vibrator out of the bag, "It's weird, it's... it's too big."

"WHAT?"  I said, "Jason unless your girlfriend is a seven year old, this thing is not too big. If she's an adult and cant get it in, she needs to see a doctor. If she's a child, YOU need to see a doctor. Either way, I'm not taking it back."

"Oh ok ok no I know it's just that, can I talk to you over here?" He looked sideways like he was about to tell me a racist joke. "Ok. The truth is, and I should've told you this yesterday, but the truth is." Deep breath. "It's not for my girlfriend, it's for me."

"OH JESUS! Well now it all makes sense, why didn't you just tell me that shit in the first place? Now look what you could have avoided, this is TOTALLY not the right one for your butt. Silly boys. Ok baby, come with me. Let's find you the right one. I'm still not taking that shit back though..."

And happily, we walked through the store, put batteries in things. We had a lovely time, and finally I sent him home with a great turd shaped thing meant for baby boy's fresh, pink bottoms.

Fast forward a year. I'm at a night club and the boy bumps into me. He's with a whole pack of his dude-brofriends. Jason grabs me, stops me.  "Oh my god I KNOW you!" He says, "I've seen you on tv right?"

I smile, shake my head. "No, you don't know me from tv."

"Yeah I do! I know ok don't tell me I'm gonna figure this out, what show were you on, Comedy Central special or something?"

I've crossed my arms, shaking my head.

"You've been on tv, right? Ok I'm gonna get this."

"Yeah, I've been on tv, but that's not where you know me from. You don't want me to tell you, in front of your friends where you know me from so I suggest you drop it."

His eyes got wide and more confused. "What the fuck, really? Where the fuck could I know you from that you can't say in front of my friends? I mean seriously, it's gonna drive me crazy. Guys, it's gotta be tv. Where else could it be? Come on, you're fucking with me. What show was it?"

I give up.

I took his hand in mine, looked him in the eyes, and spoke gently thus, "Jason White, I work at a porno store. And you lied to me when you bought a vibrator, telling me it was for your girlfriend but it was actually for you, and it was too big for you butt. And I remember you because in all my years of pornclerking, you are the only person who's ever been brave enough to come back and tell me the truth. I love you for that." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked away.

His dude-bros were silent. When your pornclerk tells you to drop it, drop it.