Miss M and the Perfect Blow Job.

Continuing our saga of the Tranny hooker we call Miss M...

She claimed she could deep throat a soda can with out even using her hands.  I called bullshit on her. Seriously? In fact the Girl had a big, luscious mouth, so I didn't doubt her ability to get a cock IN it, but to deep throat it with out even forcing it down with her hands?  No one pulling on her wig/hair?  PFFT!

I challenged her to a suck-off.

She accepted my terms.  I picked any rubber cock off the wall, she'd get it down her gullet.

I chose wisely, not an expensive one, one who's packaged was previously damaged by a man who'd tried to bite through it (more on that later) but it was of significant size and girth.  I thought for sure she'd have to do a cartwheel over it to get it down with out using her hands.

We opened it, Miss M put it in her mouth, tilted her head back and the damn thing slid down like she was a professional sword swallower.   My co-clerk and I were in awe of her!  She spread her arms as if to say "Tada" and "Told you so."

She took a very graceful bow and ejected the wet rubber wiener.  "See Girl, I tole you so.   What you gotta do is open your throat, you just gotta relax.  Once it gets passed the tonsils you can get anything down. Oh and you gotta breathe through your nose, that's important."

Miss M had cock sucking down to a science.  "It should never take more than 7 minutes.  Longer than that, you're doing it wrong."   She should know, it was her business to know and in her business, time is money.

I half assed wiped off the cock with a paper towel and tried it myself.   I gagged almost immediately.  Tears welled up in my eyes.  Not from the humiliation of being out done by a gorgeous man in designer mules, but from the torture of shoving that giant stupid fake shaft down my pie hole.

My co-clerk took the thing from me, I don't even think she bothered wiping it off, and she did get it down, though with much less grace and flair as our Miss M.   Women do everything with less grace and flair than Trannies.

Up till then, I'd assumed I was a fantastic cocksucker.   As a fat woman, and a pornlcerk at that, I have very little to offer a man.  Sure, I'm smart and funny but what good does that do me?  Men don't give a shit about smart and funny, in fact sometimes they flat out fucking resent us for it.  The only thing I had going for me, I was certain of it, was that I gave great head.  Fat girls give great head, everyone knows that.  Look at us, we clearly love shoving shit in our mouths, we eat everything how can we not give great head???  HOW COULD I POSSIBLY SUCK AT SUCKING!?

I was distraught.  I needed lessons.  I put my pride aside and begged Miss M to teach me her ways.  She said, "No problem, I'll find someone.  I'll give you a live demonstration."  She turned on her heels and trotted back down the dark hall to the arcade.

She came back a few minutes later, "Ok I got a guy, his dick is a tree trunk.  He said you can come in and watch."  I took a second to process what she was saying to me.  I was being invited to watch a tranny suck-off a straight guy.  In a booth.  In the arcade.  And I was gonna learn how to suck cock myself.  By watching.  A tranny.  Suck a man's "tree trunk."  In the arcade.   I probably stopped blinking cause she said, "OK?  Girl you comin?"

"Uh yeah...  Why not."  I mean, when am I gonna have this kind of invitation again?  (As it would turn out, about a thousand times more but that's not the point.)

We walked down into the darkness together, at the end of the hall one booth door was open and the porn was already running.  Our star was getting ready for the show.

He was naked from the waist down, and sure as shit, big as a tree trunk.  A tree with many, many rings.   Think, Rainforest Teak with vines as his veins.  BIG.  He put out his hand to shake mine and I respectfully declined his offer of courtesy.  No, I'm Jane Goodall and you are now a monkey.  We're not friends.

I locked the door behind us, and Miss M went right to work.  She very lightly went to her knees, looked at me, put her hands behind her back just to show off, took a deep breath and dove in.

After a minute or two of watching her technique I think I got it.  Slow, breath through the nose, a little tension past the tonsils, head tilted ever so slightly... I knew her time was short to the big moment so I excused myself from the room. I marched right up to that rubber dick and shoved it down my throat!  Of course not with as much grace and flair as Miss M but by the Gay Gods I got that shit down!  I was so proud of myself.   My co-clerk hugged me.  I did it!   I CAN DO IT!  Miss M is a wonder.

My co-clerk and I stared at the merchandise we'd used to learn on. I finally addressed the issue at hand, "What are we gonna do with it now?  It's been in three mouths and none of us want it.  Are you gonna buy it?"

"I'm not gonna buy it."

"Well we can't put it back on the shelf that would be disgusting..."

"Well yeah but... if you think about it are any of these toys sterile?  I mean, how do we know the factory workers are just shoving them in their holes before they ship them?"

"True... and shouldn't people wash their toys when they get home anyway?  Isn't it really on them to take care of that and not to assume every thing is squeaky clean, especially if it's going in their holes?"

My co-clerk had the thing repacked up and sitting next to her stack of merchandise to put away before I could even finish that sentence.  Neither one of us felt good about it, but both of us knew what we had to do.

I don't think any of us have ever thought of tweekers as problem solvers, but as luck would have it, a very skinny, clearly gakked out of her gourd so high on meth should could see the stars below her, was probably sent to us that night as an angel.   She came in with a guy, every bit as adorably strung out as she was, but less -- clumsy and dancey about it.

"How much for a one a those rooms?  I need a room is it ten dollars fine here take this just put in any movie I don't care..." My co-clerk looked at me.  She was a goddamned genius.  She casually pushed the lesson-dildo towards the tweeker lady.  "Oh my god I'll fucking take that too, how much?  Oh that's all fine fucking give me that and a room let's go."

Problem solved and no ethical boundaries were hopped over or crawled under.   I'd like a tee-shirt that says, "Thank the gods for tweekers."  Because sometimes, they're little fairy godtweekers and meth is just pixie dust.

Fast forward five years.  I'm working at a different store, same company.  A man walks in.  Asks me how I'm doing, tells me it's been a long time...  "I'm sorry do we know each other?"

"Yeah kinda.  I'm the guy who, well you know, a few years ago you watched your tranny friend..." his voice trailed.

"OH YES!!!  GREG!  So great to see you again. I'm so sorry,  I didn't recognize you with your pants on."