Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Yesterday the Homeless got Organized.

Yesterday at the store was "Homeless Pretending They're Regular Customers Day." I don't know if it was the rain or what, but we had many of my fair city's finest vagrants browsing the store. Maybe it was like their version of a flash mob. It was so weird. Did they plan this? "Hey man, you wanna freak out the clerk at the porno store? Let's all go in there today and act like we're gonna buy shit..."

Sitting on the floor, or in the one chair we use for shoes, reading magazines, asking to try on clothes, trying on shoes, using the restroom, and me checking in their backpacks/apartments with a smile and feigned courtesy.

It was so surreal. I'd say, "Can I help you?"

Indignant Homeless Dude High on Xanax: "What, am I not allowed to look at a magazine? How will I know I want to buy it if I can't look at it? I got ID."

Me: "Well are you going to buy it?"

IHDHOX: "I'm tryin to figure that out now aren't I... Geez is this how you treat your customers?"

Me: "Um, yes?" It's like I was an extra in Hobos: the Movie! Keep in mind, I actually hate more people who live in houses than people who live out of them... so spare me the bleeding heart bs.

Right now the rules are, if they're not causing trouble and do have their id, we don't judge and let them in. They are customers and yes they can use the restroom. But I don't think having their ID is good enough. We need more rules. Here's a few I'd like to begin using:

You can not be in the store if your backpack has 1) an extra pair of boots tied to the outside or 2) any pot and or pan attached to the outside.

You can not be in the store if your hands have visible dirt. (some dirty people who have ID, LOVE to touch panties.)

You can't be in the store if you are wearing a camouflage coat.

If lice is visible, or even remotely possible, they are not allowed to try on lingerie.

Do any clerks disagree with me? I know some of you guys have been homeless, what say you?
Posted by pornclerk at 12:04 PM
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10 comments:

  1. You see... THIS is why I wash things before I wear them!
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  2. never good advice, my sweet. Always do that. It's hard to tell people no, especially when they're not even acknowledging that they keep all their possessions in a plastic sack. I had a guy once tell me he is NOT homeless but just went shopping. "Sure, you're shopping-- out of a garbage can."
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  3. Boots tied to bags pose a safety problem, especially if the wearer turns a corner quickly. Same with pots and pans. They're also likely very noisy. I'm thinking these rules will also ensure campers and hikers will be banned.

    Oh, and I can vouch for homed people who have dirty hands (me - when I get off work, where I till the land). I do not touch anything I might soil, certainly not panties, so homeless people should wash their hands in the restrooms you so kindly provide.
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  4. There is always the homeless (or not) guy with FILTHY hands, hands with the long yellowed nicotine talons digging down the back of his pants. who insists on examining every single product in the store, by picking it up, looking at both sides, replacing the product on the shelf (usually upside down or backwards), and moving on to the next object of merchandise. He will methodically continue finger fucking EVERY SINGLE ITEM IN THE STORE. This can take hours, and in the meantime I am left to babysit the fucker so that he dosnt steal anything. This robs me of valuable slack/reading time. The man will buy one of our 99 cent pillows of lube before he leaves the store, this technically makes him a customer, but I am not friendly or kind to this man. Later, I cringe inwardly when "normal" customers come in legitimately shopping and they unknowingly handle the same objects the mans foul hands had caressed lovingly only hours before, then I see them touching each others faces, rubbing their eyes etc. I just want run over to warn then and offer them hand sanitizer. But I dont.
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  5. Well, I've spent the better part of the day flipping back and forth to the site, reading up. Hell of a good time. Thanks for helping me kill the day.
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  6. Hehe, I'm actually posting from my work(a fellow fuck shop)...This comes into play all too much, but the homeless seem to have different levels of "conciousness" I guess...

    I do get the ones that want to come in here and browse the whole goddamn day because it beats the outdoor sweltering heat and it's the closest thing to skinemax they can get without paying to enter our arcade...They're always strung out on something & stumble through the isles examining every possible item we carry...Like someone said above, you have to babysit these cretans so they don't steal...

    And then I get the "out of your mind" homeless that look like they'll go for the jugular if you don't agree with them that he goes to Paris with George Lucas and a bunch of models on a daily basis
    OR
    if you engage in any conversation, even a mere "Hello", you're entitled to know every intimate detail about this offensively odorous vagrant(I actually had to ask one very nice but insane man to leave due to his outrageous smell)...The stories & experiences I have are pretty amusing, but when it's actually happening at that moment, it's quite annoying...
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  7. Shoes on a backpack... I've walked around town with shoes tied to my backpack, but then again I didn't go shopping... everything else is justified in my opinion. As a clerk it's your job to ensure the merchandise and store are clean and safe, and you have the right to refuse service to anybody who you feel violates those standards. Forget about any definite rule... it's up to each situation and how you prefer to handle it at that time. I'd say it's hard to argue if you're going into a store not to shop there.
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  8. I get some pretty awesome homeless people in my store all the time. Yes I'm a smut peddler too. I had one guy come in, hands all black, looking like he lives in a storm drain, and smelling like it too, he did purchase stuff however. two packs of stiff nights, a bottle of lube, and a cock ring. I honestly don't want to see the person that would fuck this guy, 'cause odds are, that person is even nastier. I don't really have to worry about chasing off the bad apples though, we have an asshole janitor that does that. He chases off paying customers too. We don't get a lot of night time business on the nights he works. He likes to take the fact that his life sucks out on everybody else. It's not our fault he's been a jizz mopper for the last eleven years. Tooothless asshole.

    Graveyard at a pornshop is boring and interesting at the same time. Amazing tweakers galore! I once had a guy in there that was so fucking high he was vibrating. Practically no irises. Awesome. And it's not quite the sexy job I thought it would be. I'm surrounded by dudes trying like hell to fuck me. Now I know how women feel in the same scenario....beautiful.
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  9. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! WELCOME MY PORNCLERK BROTHERS AND SISTERS! I'd given up hope that you'd find this! Your comments have made me think and thrilled my little black heart.
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  10. Homeless fuckers have no shame, I've caught them trying to sleep in our arcade, on the jizz covered floors of the glory hole booths, in our bathroom on the piss covered floor next to the shit covered toilet. The worst was this one homeless dude I 86'd a couple years ago, he was notorious for digging through the trash cans in the arcade booths and sucking whatever fresh cum he could off the soiled paper towels and he was also caught a couple of times licking cum off the arcade floor. Certified mental case!
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