Meet Handjobs, The greatest literary achievement of the 21st century.

I say that with out even a drip of sarcasm. This magazine is easily the greatest thing I have ever read in my ENTIRE LIFE. I'm not just talking about best porn ever, I'm talking about EVERYTHING, EVER. Period. Greatest. Thing. Ever.

Handjobs is a magazine filled with Daddy/Boy stories. Older men, younger boys and the love shared between them. All of the pictures are drawings, because all of the situations are likely illegal in one state or another.

These stories are SO creative, and so incredible I am certain that the greatest literary minds of all time must be the ones behind every issue. I can only assume that Ann Rice, Steven King, Wally Lamb, Emily Bronte, Jane Austen and Edgar Allen Poe have all been ghost writers of Handjobs.

How else could a story about a boy who wants to make the wrestling team who then gets fucked by his coach, and then his Dr (who has to give him an "exam" to make sure his sperm is healthy) and then by his dad (who just happened to walk in while the Dr had the boy in stirrups... did I mention the Dr. was NOT a gynecologist? In the Handjobs Universe, anything can happen and everything usually does!) How else could this story ever be dreamed of, if the same people who gave us Carrie and Wuthering Heights are NOT behind it?! In the end of the story, turns out the boy was healthy as a horse and hung like one too yuk yuk!

People say to me, "You love it so much, why don't you just write a story for Handjobs?" And to that I say:

don't you dare talk fancy to me. You think this is just bullshit? you think that these stories are so easy that any mere human blogger could just sit down and crank one out??! OH NO I SAY! I am but a salty tear in the sea of talent it takes to write a story in Handjobs magazine. If someone's gonna be writing Handjobs, that someone better be training for years. In school, eating and shitting Wheaties, living in a dorm and practicing 14 hours a day... and then, maybe then you can hope to make it to The Show. The Handjobs Show.


I would be honored if I could but I can't even imagine of such a lofty goal. I might as well run for president. I mean, sure I'm crazy, but this? I don't think I have it in me. I'm just not that cool.

Here's an excerpt from Handjobs. You may cry, but you'll masturbate with your tears.