Guy came in the store tonight. He looked about four whiskey sours deep-- his eyes a little watery and his voice just a little too loud. A bit lit but probably ok to drive his Expedition freely without firing up any sex lights. (You know, the red and blue kind that let you know when you're fucked.)
If I had to guess: I'm pretty sure he gets his haircut at a salon. His Columbia jacket was bought at an outlet mall by his wife who doesn't care what color he really likes but what looks good on him, "Greg, you look GOOD in yellow." Think: David Hasseloff if he taught at a high school and never got that break.
He walked in booming, "HEY! Any you guys seen that movie BORAT?" I thought, "Why would he need a parody of Borat? With the naked wrestling at the end it's practically it's own porno." Then he asked if we had any of those little cock sling jumpy outfits like Borat wore, only in Oregon State Beaver Orange. I said, "NO, but we got it in black and you can just paint your body orange. It'll work!"
Other than the color, we had exactly what he wanted in two styles, but he left claiming that's not exactly what he wanted.
OH. RIGHT. We don't have exactly what you want... You didn't just chicken shit out. That's not what happened. I didn't just call your bullshit bluff? You weren't just having dinner at a friends house tellin every one in the mini mcmansion, "No, Jeff, Casey, trust me, I'll do it. You think I wouldn't wear a Borat to a Beavers game? I'll go to the porno store right now and see if they have em and yeah, I'll totally do it."
And when he gets back to the house, a little more sober, he says, "Well, they didn't have them. But I'll find one! I totally will...
Someday, Greg, you totally will.
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