Ah the porn industry. Is there no level you won't stoop to? Below are actual box cover synopses of real movies that I carry and yes, attempt to sell.
I know you're thinkin, "How the hell could you even TRY to sell this shit and what sick fuck would buy them?" Hee hee you don't know me at all, I am a PROFESSIONAL PORNCLERK! I have sold the Jenna Jameson Bobble Head Doll! I've sold giant butt plugs to old ladies! I can sell a dick to a transvestite! I'm THAT good. Here's my sales pitch for these, "Oh No! There's a Negro in my..." movies:
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Hello sir, you look like a fine, strapping clean-cut, skinhead. Say, your boots are swell. That's a lovely David Allen Coe shirt. Curb stomped any Mexicans today? How IS Mr. Metzger doing these days... Oh fantastic. What if I told you, that I could combine your hatred of blacks AND of women? Well mister do I have some movies for YOU! Now just read these box covers. Sure, they only SAY 'Negro' but you can tell they really mean 'Nigger.' The Blacks know what we mean right? (wink) Oh, you'll take all of them? Lovely. Shall I put them in a gift bag?" See, you just have to develop rapport, start a conversation with your customer and they'll be putty in your hands.
Oh No! There's a Negro in my DaughterYou had big hopes for your daughter. She was your pride and joy-your little princess. But, then she fucked a Negro. She'll never find a good man now. She's doomed to be a revolving door for unemployed black penis. So, you can forget about early retirement and moving down to Florida. It's time to find a second job to support your daughter and her fatherless half-Negro baby.
Negro in my Daughter 2You always did your best to ensure a bright future for your daughter. You paid for braces to straighten her teeth. You drove her to soccer practice so she'd stay fit and learn to be a winner. You even kept her away from malt liquor and rap music. But despite your best efforts, she's fucking a Negro.
Because of your failure, she's doomed to a lifetime of poverty and fried chicken dinners. You no longer have a daughter. All you can do now is pray that you won't have any half-colored grandchildren either.
Negro in my Daughter 3Your parents had it easy. All they had to worry about was making sure you ate your spinach and didn't catch a cold. Crime was nonexistent. After all, Negroes had their own schools and were kept chained in cellars during nightfall. But, now the good times are over. Blacks and whites share the bus and eat at the same restaurants. But, like your forefathers warned, danger lurks in racially integrated societies-especially for your young and fertile white daughters. Thankfully, you'll be dead soon and Negroes don't go to heaven.
Negro in my MomGrowing up, you had a pretty good life. Dad had a great job. Mom stayed home to change your diapers and make you grilled cheese sandwiches with no crust. You went to a good school and always got the toys you wanted. Too bad it was all a lie. For years, your mom's been fucking Negroes behind your dad's back. Sadly, there's nothing you can do about it. They carry guns.
Negro in my Mom 2You knew this day would come, white people. No amount of jails and loan denials could prevent it. You knew the Negroes were moving into the suburbs, but you just never thought they would invade your home... and your mom. So sit back and watch as everything you once knew as pure and beautiful is destroyed.
Negro in my Mom 3Remember when you were a kid and your mom used to take you to the zoo? The animals always scared you, but you felt safe and protected with her. But, could you imagine coming home to find your mom being ravaged by a Negro? This time, good friend, the animals are not in cages, they are in your beloved mother. She can't protect you now. Mourn her loss, and move on.
Negro in my Mom 4When you were growing up, your mom's mouth and pussy were reserved for your dad. They served as a warm refuge for the old man. Now, he's gone and your once beloved mom has opened up her once saintly holes to every pimp, drug dealer, and welfare recipient in sight. Looks like dad may have known something you didn't. Maybe it's time you took that final exit, too. God will understand.
Negro in my Wife 1It's never easy to find out that your wife's been cheating on you. Thankfully, in those dark times, you have the support of friends, family, and the community. But things are always different if the adulterous bitch fornicated with a Negro. People will wonder how worthless you must have been to make your wife abandon her own race. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Negro in my Wife 2It's not easy for you to accept the fact that your wife is fucking a Negro. Her stretched out holes keep you from achieving an orgasm and the fried chicken crumbs on the bed just add insult to injury. But, what troubles you most is watching her kiss your kids goodnight. If they only knew the disgusting black log those lips were wrapped around an hour ago. Maybe you should do them a favor and smother them as they sleep tonight.
Negro in my Wife 3Let's face it - Negroes are everywhere. And, now, they're in your wife. While the good old days when you could resolve this problem quietly with a good piece of rope and a tall oak tree are long gone, you can still take matters into your own hands by a.) swallowing a mouthful of shotgun candy or b.) jerking your small white cock while watching your wife get mutted by angry black guys.
The choice is yours.
Oh No! There's a Negro in my Wife 4You are a sensible man. You have always known that your wife would eventually cheat on you. Probably with a younger guy. But, you figured you'd make the best of it. Become friends. Maybe even give him a job. What you didn't count on was that the man inside your wife would be a big, dirty Negro. You can't be friends with a Negro. They do drugs and shoot people. They sure as fuck don't work. You're only option now is to sit and watch and crack open a window to air the pot smell out.
Dear Chatsworth pictures, you are not only racist but you are fucking idiots. You owe me (and my customers) an apology!
PS. Let me say this too, if these box covers said the same horrible shit about Gays would we carry them? Allow me to attempt to write one and see how it goes...
"Remember when a problem like homos could be easily solved by driving out to the middle of Wyoming and tying a pillow biter up to a fence post? Well those days are long gone, now there's nothing left for you to do but sit and watch your dad get fucked by a AIDS filled, cock sucking faggot, or instead of cock, just suck on the barrel end of a shotgun and let IT cum in your mouth!"God dang I'm good at this. Anyone else like to try?
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